Ngga tahan beban emosional, sahabat Rendi yang DOKTER itu curhat:
DOKTER : "Ren, bagaimana ya menghilangkan kebiasaan selingkuh dengan para pasienku? Aku telah langgar sumpah dokterku!"
Rendi coba menghibur: " Sudahlah. Normal pria selingkuh dengan wanita. Apalagi kau belum menikah."
DOKTER makin murung: " Tapi Ren, aku ini kan dokter hewan?"
Minggu, 28 November 2010
Kamis, 25 November 2010
Nasihat ttg buah
1. Jadilah jagung,
jangan jambu monyet. Jagung membungkus bijinya yang banyak, sedangkan jambu monyet memamerkan bijinya yang cuma satu-satunya.
Artinya : Jangan suka pamer
2. Jadilah pohon pisang.
Pohon pisang kalau berbuah hanya sekali, lalu mati.
Artinya : Kesetiaan dalam pernikahan.
3. Jadilah duren , jangan kedondong.
Walaupun luarnya penuh kulit yang tajam, tetapi dalamnya lembut dan manis. Hmmm, beda dengan kedondong, luarnya mulus, rasanya agak asem dan di dalamnya ada biji yang berduri.
Artinya : Don't Judge a Book by The Cover.. jangan menilai orang dari luarnya saja.
4. Jadilah bengkoang.
Walaupun hidup dalam kompos sampah, tetapi umbinya isinya putih bersih.
Artinya : Jagalah hati jangan kau nodai.
5. Jadilah tandan pete (petai), bukan tandan rambutan.
Tandan pete membagi makanan sama rata ke biji petenya, semua seimbang, tidak seperti rambutan.. ada yang kecil ada yang gede.
Artinya : Selalu adil dalam bersikap.
6. Jadilah cabe
Makin tua makin pedas.
Artinya : Makin tua makin bijaksana.
7. Jadilah buah manggis
Bisa ditebak isinya dari pantat buahnya.
Artinya : Jangan Munafik
8. Jadilah buah nangka
Selain buahnya, nangka memberi getah kepada penjual atau yg memakannya.
Artinya : Berikan kesan kepada semua orang (tentunya yg baik).
9. Jadilah Buah Dada
Selain bermanfaat buat anak, buat bapaknya juga
Artinya : Sekali rangkul dua-duanya dapet
Hehehehehee…… serius amat sih bacanya...
jangan jambu monyet. Jagung membungkus bijinya yang banyak, sedangkan jambu monyet memamerkan bijinya yang cuma satu-satunya.
Artinya : Jangan suka pamer
2. Jadilah pohon pisang.
Pohon pisang kalau berbuah hanya sekali, lalu mati.
Artinya : Kesetiaan dalam pernikahan.
3. Jadilah duren , jangan kedondong.
Walaupun luarnya penuh kulit yang tajam, tetapi dalamnya lembut dan manis. Hmmm, beda dengan kedondong, luarnya mulus, rasanya agak asem dan di dalamnya ada biji yang berduri.
Artinya : Don't Judge a Book by The Cover.. jangan menilai orang dari luarnya saja.
4. Jadilah bengkoang.
Walaupun hidup dalam kompos sampah, tetapi umbinya isinya putih bersih.
Artinya : Jagalah hati jangan kau nodai.
5. Jadilah tandan pete (petai), bukan tandan rambutan.
Tandan pete membagi makanan sama rata ke biji petenya, semua seimbang, tidak seperti rambutan.. ada yang kecil ada yang gede.
Artinya : Selalu adil dalam bersikap.
6. Jadilah cabe
Makin tua makin pedas.
Artinya : Makin tua makin bijaksana.
7. Jadilah buah manggis
Bisa ditebak isinya dari pantat buahnya.
Artinya : Jangan Munafik
8. Jadilah buah nangka
Selain buahnya, nangka memberi getah kepada penjual atau yg memakannya.
Artinya : Berikan kesan kepada semua orang (tentunya yg baik).
9. Jadilah Buah Dada
Selain bermanfaat buat anak, buat bapaknya juga
Artinya : Sekali rangkul dua-duanya dapet
Hehehehehee…… serius amat sih bacanya...
Orang buta
Seorang anak laki-laki tunanetra duduk di tangga sebuah bangunan dengan sebuah topi terletak di dekat kakinya.
Ia mengangkat sebuah papan yang bertuliskan: 'Saya buta, tolong saya.' Hanya ada beberapa keping uang di dalam topi itu.
Seorang pria berjalan melewati tempat anak ini. Ia mengambil beberapa keping uang dari sakunya dan menjatuhkannya ke dalam topi itu.
Lalu ia mengambil papan, membaliknya dan menulis beberapa kata. Pria ini menaruh papan itu kembali sehingga orang yang lalu lalang dapat melihat apa yang ia baru tulis. Segera sesudahnya, topi itu pun terisi penuh. Semakin banyak orang memberi uang ke anak tuna netra ini.
Sore itu pria yang telah mengubah kata-kata di papan tersebut datang untuk melihat perkembangan yang terjadi.
Anak ini mengenali langkah kakinya dan bertanya, 'Apakah bapak yang telah mengubah tulisan di papanku tadi pagi? Apa yang bapak tulis?'
Pria itu berkata, 'Saya hanya menuliskan sebuah kebenaran.. Saya menyampaikan apa yang kamu telah tulis dengan cara yang berbeda.'
Apa yang ia telah tulis adalah: 'Hari ini adalah hari yang indah dan saya tidak bisa melihatnya.'
Bukankah tulisan yang pertama dengan yang kedua sebenarnya sama saja? Tentu arti kedua tulisan itu sama, yaitu bahwa anak itu buta.
Tetapi, tulisan yang pertama hanya mengatakan bahwa anak itu buta. Sedangkan, tulisan yang kedua mengatakan kepada orang-orang bahwa mereka sangatlah beruntung bahwa mereka dapat melihat. Apakah kita perlu terkejut melihat tulisan yang kedua lebih efektif?
Moral dari cerita ini:
Bersyukurlah untuk segala yang kau miliki. Jadilah kreatif. Jadilah innovatif. Berpikirlah dari sudut pandang yang berbeda dan positif.
Ajaklah orang-orang lain menuju hal-hal yang baik dengan hikmat. Jalani hidup ini tanpa dalih dan mengasihi tanpa rasa sesal.
Ketika hidup memberi engkau 100 alasan untuk menangis, tunjukkan pada hidup bahwa engkau memiliki 1000 alasan untuk tersenyum.
Hadapi masa lalumu tanpa sesal. Tangani saat sekarang dengan percaya diri. Bersiaplah untuk masa depan tanpa rasa takut.
Peganglah iman dan tanggalkan ketakutan. Orang bijak berkata, 'Hidup harus menjadi sebuah proses perbaikan yang terus berlanjut, membuang kejahatan dan mengembangkan kebaikan...
Jika engkau ingin menjalani hidup tanpa rasa takut, engkau harus memiliki hati nurani yang baik sebagai tiketnya.
Hal yang terindah adalah melihat seseorang tersenyum. Tapi yang terlebih indah adalah mengetahui bahwa engkau adalah alasan di belakangnya !!!
Ia mengangkat sebuah papan yang bertuliskan: 'Saya buta, tolong saya.' Hanya ada beberapa keping uang di dalam topi itu.
Seorang pria berjalan melewati tempat anak ini. Ia mengambil beberapa keping uang dari sakunya dan menjatuhkannya ke dalam topi itu.
Lalu ia mengambil papan, membaliknya dan menulis beberapa kata. Pria ini menaruh papan itu kembali sehingga orang yang lalu lalang dapat melihat apa yang ia baru tulis. Segera sesudahnya, topi itu pun terisi penuh. Semakin banyak orang memberi uang ke anak tuna netra ini.
Sore itu pria yang telah mengubah kata-kata di papan tersebut datang untuk melihat perkembangan yang terjadi.
Anak ini mengenali langkah kakinya dan bertanya, 'Apakah bapak yang telah mengubah tulisan di papanku tadi pagi? Apa yang bapak tulis?'
Pria itu berkata, 'Saya hanya menuliskan sebuah kebenaran.. Saya menyampaikan apa yang kamu telah tulis dengan cara yang berbeda.'
Apa yang ia telah tulis adalah: 'Hari ini adalah hari yang indah dan saya tidak bisa melihatnya.'
Bukankah tulisan yang pertama dengan yang kedua sebenarnya sama saja? Tentu arti kedua tulisan itu sama, yaitu bahwa anak itu buta.
Tetapi, tulisan yang pertama hanya mengatakan bahwa anak itu buta. Sedangkan, tulisan yang kedua mengatakan kepada orang-orang bahwa mereka sangatlah beruntung bahwa mereka dapat melihat. Apakah kita perlu terkejut melihat tulisan yang kedua lebih efektif?
Moral dari cerita ini:
Bersyukurlah untuk segala yang kau miliki. Jadilah kreatif. Jadilah innovatif. Berpikirlah dari sudut pandang yang berbeda dan positif.
Ajaklah orang-orang lain menuju hal-hal yang baik dengan hikmat. Jalani hidup ini tanpa dalih dan mengasihi tanpa rasa sesal.
Ketika hidup memberi engkau 100 alasan untuk menangis, tunjukkan pada hidup bahwa engkau memiliki 1000 alasan untuk tersenyum.
Hadapi masa lalumu tanpa sesal. Tangani saat sekarang dengan percaya diri. Bersiaplah untuk masa depan tanpa rasa takut.
Peganglah iman dan tanggalkan ketakutan. Orang bijak berkata, 'Hidup harus menjadi sebuah proses perbaikan yang terus berlanjut, membuang kejahatan dan mengembangkan kebaikan...
Jika engkau ingin menjalani hidup tanpa rasa takut, engkau harus memiliki hati nurani yang baik sebagai tiketnya.
Hal yang terindah adalah melihat seseorang tersenyum. Tapi yang terlebih indah adalah mengetahui bahwa engkau adalah alasan di belakangnya !!!
Lawyer in his limousine
One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the road-side eating grass.
Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.
He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass?" "We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We have to eat grass."
"Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you," the lawyer said.
"But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree."
"Bring them along," the lawyer replied.
Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You come with us, also.
The second man, in a pitiful voice, then said, "But sir, I also have a wife and SIX children with me!"
"Bring them all, as well," the lawyer answered.
They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine was.
Once underway, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."
The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it. You'll really love my place. The grass is almost a foot high"
wakakakakka.... :D
Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.
He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass?" "We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We have to eat grass."
"Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you," the lawyer said.
"But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree."
"Bring them along," the lawyer replied.
Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You come with us, also.
The second man, in a pitiful voice, then said, "But sir, I also have a wife and SIX children with me!"
"Bring them all, as well," the lawyer answered.
They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine was.
Once underway, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."
The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it. You'll really love my place. The grass is almost a foot high"
wakakakakka.... :D
One day @the nudist camp
One Day at a Nudist Camp
A man joins a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day there he takes off his clothes and starts to wander around. A gorgeous petite blonde walks by, and the man immediately gets an erection.
The woman notices his erection, comes over to him and says,”Did you call for me?" The man replies, "No, what do you mean?" She says, "You must be new here. Let me explain. It's a rule here that if you get an erection, it implies you called for me." Smiling, she leads him to the side of the swimming pool, lies down on a towel, eagerly pulls him to her and happily lets him have his way with her.
The man continues to explore the colony's facilities. He enters the sauna and as he sits down, he farts. Within minutes a huge, hairy man lumbers out of the steam room toward him, "Did you call for me?" says the hairy man. "No,! What do you mean?" says the newcomer. "You must be new," says the hairy man, “it's a rule that if you fart, it implies that you called for me." The huge man easily spins him around, bends him over a bench and has his way with him.
The newcomer staggers back to the colony office, where he is greeted by the smiling, naked receptionist, "May I help you?", she says.
The man yells, "Here's my membership card. You can have the key back and you can keep the £500 membership fee."
"But, Sir," she replies, "you've only been here for a few hours. You haven't had the chance to see all our facilities."
The man replies, "Listen lady, I'm 68 years old. I only get an erection once a month. I fart 15 times a day."
A man joins a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day there he takes off his clothes and starts to wander around. A gorgeous petite blonde walks by, and the man immediately gets an erection.
The woman notices his erection, comes over to him and says,”Did you call for me?" The man replies, "No, what do you mean?" She says, "You must be new here. Let me explain. It's a rule here that if you get an erection, it implies you called for me." Smiling, she leads him to the side of the swimming pool, lies down on a towel, eagerly pulls him to her and happily lets him have his way with her.
The man continues to explore the colony's facilities. He enters the sauna and as he sits down, he farts. Within minutes a huge, hairy man lumbers out of the steam room toward him, "Did you call for me?" says the hairy man. "No,! What do you mean?" says the newcomer. "You must be new," says the hairy man, “it's a rule that if you fart, it implies that you called for me." The huge man easily spins him around, bends him over a bench and has his way with him.
The newcomer staggers back to the colony office, where he is greeted by the smiling, naked receptionist, "May I help you?", she says.
The man yells, "Here's my membership card. You can have the key back and you can keep the £500 membership fee."
"But, Sir," she replies, "you've only been here for a few hours. You haven't had the chance to see all our facilities."
The man replies, "Listen lady, I'm 68 years old. I only get an erection once a month. I fart 15 times a day."
Selasa, 05 Oktober 2010
Kok Beng
Kok Beng, the Crazy Singaporean
Why did Kok Beng go to a movie with his 18 friends? Because below 18 is not allowed! -------? ? ? ? ? ?-------
Kok Beng wants to buy a TV set. He goes to a shop.
Kok Beng: "Do you have color TV?" Salesgirl: "Yes!"
Kok Beng: "Give me a green one, please." -------? ? ? ? ? ?-------
Kok Beng is filling up an application form for a job. He supplies the information for the columns on Name, Age, Address etc. Then he comes to the column on "Salary Expected," but he is not sure of the question. After much thought, he writes "Yes." -------? ? ? ? ? ?-------
Kok Beng goes to a store and sees a shiny object.
Kok Beng: "What is that shiny object?"
Salesgirl: "That is a thermos flask."
Kok Beng: "What does it do?" Salesgirl: "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."
Kok Beng: "I'll buy it."
The next day, Kok Beng goes to work with his thermos flask.
Boss: "What is that shiny object?" Kok Beng: "It's a thermos flask." Boss: "What does it do?"
Kok Beng: "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."
Boss: "What do you have in it?" Kok Beng: "Two cups of coffee and one cup of ice cream." -------? ? ? ? ? ?-------
After taking photocopies of documents, Kok Beng always compares it with the original for spelling mistakes. -------? ? ? ? ? ?-------
Kok Beng always smiles during lightning storms because he thinks his picture is being taken. -------? ? ? ? ? ?-------
Why can't Kok Beng dial 911? Because he can't find the number 11 (eleven) on the phone.
Kok Beng had just bought a new computer and was using it. When he encountered some problems, he decided to use the 'Help' command after some tries. Soon after, he became very irritated and called the computer retailer for support.
Kok Beng: "I pressed the 'F1' key for helplah, but it's been over half an hour and still nobody has come to help me?!"
Why did Kok Beng go to a movie with his 18 friends? Because below 18 is not allowed! -------? ? ? ? ? ?-------
Kok Beng wants to buy a TV set. He goes to a shop.
Kok Beng: "Do you have color TV?" Salesgirl: "Yes!"
Kok Beng: "Give me a green one, please." -------? ? ? ? ? ?-------
Kok Beng is filling up an application form for a job. He supplies the information for the columns on Name, Age, Address etc. Then he comes to the column on "Salary Expected," but he is not sure of the question. After much thought, he writes "Yes." -------? ? ? ? ? ?-------
Kok Beng goes to a store and sees a shiny object.
Kok Beng: "What is that shiny object?"
Salesgirl: "That is a thermos flask."
Kok Beng: "What does it do?" Salesgirl: "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."
Kok Beng: "I'll buy it."
The next day, Kok Beng goes to work with his thermos flask.
Boss: "What is that shiny object?" Kok Beng: "It's a thermos flask." Boss: "What does it do?"
Kok Beng: "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."
Boss: "What do you have in it?" Kok Beng: "Two cups of coffee and one cup of ice cream." -------? ? ? ? ? ?-------
After taking photocopies of documents, Kok Beng always compares it with the original for spelling mistakes. -------? ? ? ? ? ?-------
Kok Beng always smiles during lightning storms because he thinks his picture is being taken. -------? ? ? ? ? ?-------
Why can't Kok Beng dial 911? Because he can't find the number 11 (eleven) on the phone.
Kok Beng had just bought a new computer and was using it. When he encountered some problems, he decided to use the 'Help' command after some tries. Soon after, he became very irritated and called the computer retailer for support.
Kok Beng: "I pressed the 'F1' key for helplah, but it's been over half an hour and still nobody has come to help me?!"
Anger Management
Husband: "When I get mad at you, you never fight back. How do you control your anger?"
Wife: "I clean the toilet."
Husband: "How does that help?"
Wife: "I use your toothbrush."
Wife: "I clean the toilet."
Husband: "How does that help?"
Wife: "I use your toothbrush."
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